We're going to North Dakota for Aaron's family reunion this weekend, and Diana was thoughtful enough to plan ahead so we'll have something to eat at the pre-planned meals. I called the restaurant/hotel banquet manager in hopes of figuring something out so we're not, yet again, left to scrounge up whatever fast food joint nearest us has to offer, and this comical exchange is what ensued:
Me: We're trying to figure out a menu for Friday night. My husband is allergic to nuts and eggs, and we're vegetarians.
Her: Hmm. Well, we're a steakhouse, donchyaknow, so we have a lot of meat. Do you eat meat?
Me: No, we're vegetarians.
Her: Okay, you tell me what you eat, and we'll make that.
Me: What food do you have available? We eat everything except nuts, eggs, and meat.
Her: Well we have lots of things. Just tell me what you eat.
Me: Generally speaking, Mexican food is best.
Her: We don't serve Mexican food.
Me: Okay, we also eat a lot of vegetables, rice, beans, and lentils.
Her: We don't really have any of that. But we do have hot dogs, brats, and burgers. Youbetchya we do. Our vegetables are side dishes. We have a lot of meat. Can you do chicken breasts?
Me: No. We're vegetarians.
Her: Okay. What about pasta?
Me: We've found that a lot of times pasta has egg in the noodles. If there is no egg, we can do it, otherwise we cannot.
Her: (Asks the chef, comes back) There is milk, so that won't work.
Me: No, he's allergic to eggs, not milk.
Her: (Asks the chef again, comes back) What about steak? Oh, that's right, you don't eat meat. Well, we can certainly give you a plate of lettuce and fruit.
Me: No thanks, we'll provide our own food.
Her: Okay, I'll call you back if I think of anything. Just to clarify, you are allergic to milk and meat?
Me: Click.
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